


Coughing Is Bullshit and A Bunch Of Other Strange Observations

by whoopsiedaisies



Category: No Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, This is weird, good luck, has no plot whatsoever, have fun, i just, sorry man, what is even going on, why did I write this, why r u reading this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6825979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoopsiedaisies/pseuds/whoopsiedaisies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>mm yeah maybe not</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

one time i threw up in a public pool and then kept swimming in it

and then like when i was a tiny munchkin, i would take baths with my sister, but like, one time, she shit in it, and it was just floatin' around, doin' its thang, and i was still in it, screaming, like wtf man i'm tryin' to get clean here and then u go and shit all over my cleanliness, literally

and then, like last weekend, i bit her because i wanted to ride shotgun, but i rode in the backseat anyway. what a day

one time, at a friend's birthday, we were playing truth or dare with a bunch of people, and i kept daring them to lick my foot. i also got to lick some feet. im not a kinky bastard, i swear, im just a weird baster. big difference. i think

i am a smol smol person, however, i will never hesitate to tell someone to f8 me, even if their like 2 skyscrapers tall and i am like an ant i will f8 u m8. fuckin try me. i dare ya, i have spunk. SPUNK


	2. screaching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sCREECHING

"u puddle of piss y u gotta shit in the punch bowl like that, literally AND metaphorically. who fuckin shits in a punch bowl."

"me. i shit in a punch bowl. plus, i don't know if u knew this, but puddles of piss don't shit."

"F8 ME U LIL SHIT I S2G"

"LETS GO MAN LETS GO. I GOT MY SHIT CANNONS READY AND EVERYTHING. I TOOK A FEW LAXATIVES ON THE WAY OVER HERE IM FUCKIN READY"

"okay yeah no never mind i think i'm just gonna not yeah okay lets not."

"damn. i was so prepared."

"i could tell. i think u need help."

"my mom says the same thing."

"i think ur mom is right, buddy."

and then, he shit happily ever after in a hospital, because that boi had problems. real problems. i just, im done.


	3. dang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im v sorry

that feel when ur disembodied head is worth 5 million dollars, or, like, five college textbooks.

"its rats ass a.m. what the fuck do u want."  
"a hug"  
"no"  
BEEP BEEP BEEP

[sunshines profusely] what the heckk


	4. Chapter 4

uhm man idk everythings kind of weird

i keep having dreams about masturbation its weird man 

also my girlfriend's brother just got a girl pregnant im dying they hadn't even been dating an entire week i'm not even kidding

it's all kinds of fucked up.

yo one time i was in a taco bell and this drunk, black lady was yelling and shit, but u know not really like yelling like she was mad or anything just you know yelling, and then i was sitting down and she started talking to me about keeping my pussy clean and raw for men and i was like 12 u kno i didn't know shit and she just kept yelling that shit at me and thank whatever god is out there my parents weren't there or hot dang shit would've gone down, but rlly like they had to escort her out and shit im not even kidding. i fucking hate living in the south this is the kind of bullshit you gotta put up with down here.

like they're trying to pass a law that says that people can deny the services of someone if they go against your beliefs and i'm like wtf??? im like rly gay and that means they can deny me services for being that way??? and im also atheist??? man i need to get the fuck outa here goddamn


End file.
